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Williamsburg Anti-Bike Vigilante’s Logical Ineptitude

Locked In Place

Vigilante-ism has been a characteristic New York trait since Bernie Goetz shot an assailant on the 2 train in 1984. But an anti-bicycle vigilante? You’ve got to be freakin’ kidding me.

A Williamsburg anti-bike vigilante approached the Brooklyn Paper with proof and the continued threat of gluing bike locks throughout Williamsburg. In return for this story the Brooklyn Paper is protecting the crook’s identity.

I’m not sure what I am more angry about. The fact that someone as asinine as the vigilante exists or the fact that the BK Paper is protecting this lout’s identity. While I can agree that there is a need for adequate sidewalk space to accommodate the handicapped, the solution does not lie in the destruction of property and a further clogging of the sidewalk.

Take a step back and think about logical aspect of this person’s mission. Let’s take the premise that I don’t like jet-skis and cigarette boats. They are loud and piss me off when I’m at the beach. In order to stop them from jetting around my beach, I’m going to throw a giant net into the water to clog up their engines. That’ll show ‘em . . . But I also just destroyed my swimming experience with stalled out watercraft and gillnets.

Christ all mighty. How stupid can a vigilante be? This “avenger” is exacerbating the so called problem by literally gluing bikes in-place. Now, not only are bikes clogging the sidewalk but they are nearly impossible to remove. In case anyone is wondering, it is damn near impossible to hack through a Kryptonite New York City lock. You need a plasma torch, TNT or some other form of high-energy explosive to get through this one.

So, Mr. or Ms. Vigilante, get a clue, think through your vigilante-ism. As you say, “The people in this community are tired of bikes crowding the sidewalks for two, three weeks at a time, blocking the walkways.” Well congratulations, you just upped that to a month, six months or maybe a year. Your idiocy is hard to match.

  • jps

    Couldn’t agree with you more about this guy’s apparent stupidity. However I have three words to offer: nail – polish – remover.

    … unless he’s using an epoxy and people are just saying Krazy Glue as shorthand. In which case, damn, that sucks.

  • Stanton Park

    This guy is not a vigilante, he is a vandal. The vigilantes will be the group of angry bike owners who catch the vandal and put an end to the vandalism.

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