If you are a goose and you reside within a seven mile radius of JFK and La Guardia, beware. They are coming for you.
In a grizzly turn of events, 400 flightless fecal-matter production units (otherwise known as Canadian Geese) from Prospect Park were rounded up and exterminated in a bid to keep them out of the jaws of the larger and ever-hungry aluminum human transport units.
A remaining goose was asked his thoughts on the matter and said he was “not sure what is worse, living in a park where humans use them for cross-bow practice, taking to the air and being turned into pâté by jet engines (18th second), or calmly rounded up and put to sleep.” He quickly added after a moment of contemplation that the “nap doesn’t sound so bad in comparison to the other likely outcomes.”
Although a memorial service has yet to be planned for the Prospect Park clan, similar incidences in liberal enclaves in Oregon have resulted in a service where “individuals can meet to offer their prayers, play music or participate in moments of silence for the geese.” Here’s to you, Goose.